By the same token, I know a lot of enneagram 5s and they have all come off as very different people. •. Also 9s and 5s both withdraw so when both people are withdrawing it’s hard to move towards one another. I've never seen or heard of 2-4 relationship - must be some reason it doesn't happen - the other three types suffice as partners for the 4 on occasion, but I really think 4s feel themselves more at home with another emotionally reactive type such as 6 and 8. Like the chemical eruption of lava, 9's will explode and IT WILL SCARE YOU (probably, maybe not). hello I am with a 9 and omg have had to work on this so much. after i typed myself correctly i did consider sx3 for a little while, because i was uncertain how much i could apply myself to the 4 inferiority, but i worked through that. However, 9s can be a pickle for that exact same reason. It’s like I’m a 1 towards myself and a 9 in my interactions with others. They may avoid conflict altogether and instead resort to passive-aggressive behavior. It could be in a letter (or a talk followed by a letter/outline) if you feel she'll shut down and not be able to truly listen. Compared to most people, they can easily drift into gloom and melancholy. They also need to get more in touch with their emotional sides, and 4s are great at that. Jan 19, 2024 · There’s nothing simple in the connection between two Enneagram types that are as deeply emotional as Enneagram Type 4 and Enneagram Type 9. Fours often feel misunderstood, yet feel a special bond of understanding with other Fours. for example, I like to be proactively asked on dates. So 8’s go to 5 when they’re in stress (see this insta page for more detail), which put simply means they They are kind of like complimentary inverses: 1 is very on point and focused while 9 is diffuse and infinite and in this they balance each other. I just don't see how, unless you are asking for 4-9 sexual activity, the female 4-male 9 dynamics won't also apply to a male 4-female 9 dynamics. 4 wing brings an abstract, intuitive cast of thought, as though the Five were thinking in geometric shapes instead of words or realistic images. I have trouble regulating myself. Members Online MessidorLC In fact, they will probably find it attractive. If someone claims to be a 4 and are friends with an 8, they're probably lying about their type. In fact, passion is very similar to intensity which is what 8s crave and find attractive. Also people will tend to associate 4s as being a creative/artsy type or the emotional type, but there's more to it than that. I wondered if any of you have been (or are in) a long-term 4-9 relationship, whether same-sex or opposite sex, and have any advice you'd like to share on cohabitating or simply dating as this pair. Both types are openly emotional and The relationship part is sorting out why she wouldn't tell you; might be a 6 not trusting you to not commit either of your time without asking, feeling pressure to go when she didn't want to, or not wanting to tell you since she felt you'd be upset and that you'd end up arguing and still going. I feel like we have so much potential together but aren’t quite reaching it. One of them acted in a very 1-ish way So I'm 99% sure my tritype is 497 and I believe that it's more common for a 497 tritype to be 4w3, but the thing is, I do relate to the five wing quite a bit, but I feel I am a bit more "fun" than the descriptions of that type make out, I know 4w3's are known to be the "fun" 4's. He is the main reason for so many great things i have achieved in life. As a sexual 9 in a relationship with an 8 you absolutely do NOT want to hide shit from them. 9 women are too self-effacing to be with a 3 male and he'd always think he could do better. I’ve been in two serious relationships and I couldn’t allow them to be good. It’s a shit show most days when it’s a bad days. It’s been a week now since I broke up with my ex, who I believe is a 9, if not a 9w1. Two withdrawn types can always feel comfortable with each other, however, these two tend to have lots of miscommunication in my experience. Im a type 2w3 (f20) and my boyfriend is a type 4w3 (m18). What inspired this post was musing on one of my close friendships, her being I’m a 5w4 with a crush on a girl who’s a 2w3, so if you’re my crush, just ask me damnit, cuz Lord knows I won’t 😅. Just validate. While a 4's greatest success would look similar (getting shit done, like a 1), I think 4's would desire to be Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. As a 9, one of the few things that can motivate me when I'm really in the dumps is getting angry at myself. Sort by: Mister_Way. Type 4s and Type 9s have a tendency to be quiet and inhibited. This leaves 2s, 1s, 3s, and 9s. Probably in part because I move to 2 when I'm disintegrating, and also because I have too much projection, I have the hardest time by far with unhealthy 2s. "Fives, on the other hand, can become frustrated by the on again, off again attentions of the Nine and begin to become cynical and pessimistic about the relationship, analyzing the Nine and intellectually dissecting the relationship both as a defense from being hurt and as a way to express There are two supervision-like rings in enneagram: one is 2-1-5-2 and the other is 4-7-8-4. 47s are your typical self-centered band guys that are overly optimistic (naive). Maybe it’s the 4 in me, but it just feels so good to love on people, and I say if you have chemistry with someone and there aren’t obvious relationship killers, anything is worth a shot. The 4 maintains the 4-ness in being able to reconcile both the shadow and the "light"er parts (for lack of better word). You can take a tritype test at enneagramtritypetest. We are very different in the way we prioritize and deal with emotions. 9s are good with that. Mistakes made in 5 and 9 relationships. Yeah keep doing that - focus on your own needs. I have been looking an enneagram and zodiac signs for quite a while now and I notice a very interesting relationship between both. Check it out on Amazon: it's by Suzanne Dion and David Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. Sep 24, 2021 · Enneagram. One thing I have learnt as a 4 dating an 8, is that the emotional kingdom is one of the only spaces my enneagram 8 does not rule. I think when a 6 is healthy, things are great. So issues in the relationship often go unspoken which can leave both parties feeling a lack but carrying on anyway. g. But 8's drive can also exhaust and frustrate a 9. It is so fucking true. 3-6-9 are either excluded or they have that effect on each other, not sure. both are intense and deep feeling. When I’m not doing well in my job, I’m not doing well with anything. Enneagram type 4 and Enneagram type 9 tend to look for romantic partners who have some of the qualities and traits they don’t have themselves: Nines look for strong and vigorous partners, while Fours look for partners who are understanding and empathetic towards other people’s feelings and emotions. 4’s are dreamers and 1’s are realists. Reply reply. 84 votes, 34 comments. 9 and 5s both can be conflict avoidant. Severe abandonment issues. 4s need someone who won’t judge them and will not engage with them when they are being emotionally volatile. No one likes an unbalanced relationship, even if women might "get away with it" early in relationships, relative to men. Air element - head triad - 5, 6, 7 Type 2 and Type 4 relationships. Type 1 - Te + Fi, judging preference. From my observation, 9s have a trend of either having a strong anxious Since you have a 5w4 type and like to gather information, I suggest a good book that came out this year It's solid relationship and intimacy material with a lot of information on what you seem interested in, e. - 9's bury their anger in a hole and hide it incredibly well until- it gets let out. 9's avoid conflict because it upsets their peace of mind, even if the conflict would remove or address their own discomfort. Even variants and other factors of personality effect the way relationships can work. The biggest issue is that the 8 will always be the one taking initiative to resolve problems, and the 9 will try to "Homer Simpson through bushes" as a default. Hi all, I’m a 9 (male) married to a 4 (female). However, a lower average functioning 4 can be people-pleasing to avoid abandonment, but the motivation isn’t keeping the peace like a 9. 4s can have a lot of self doubt/insecurity and 9s are very affirming and accepting of all different types of people, usually seeing the best in everyone, so Oct 29, 2021 · The Enneagram Type 9, “The Peacemaker,” is a patient and understanding partner who seeks to truly understand their significant other and create a loving and harmonious relationship. Since they're so emotionally stale, they can handle our exuberance better than the other types. That's a trauma thing separate from being a 9. The foundation of the relationship is a combination of support and allowing one another personal freedom to pursue their own goals and interests. From this Enneagram couples survey, same numbers tended to avoid getting together for the long term: "Do Opposites Attract?" So 9+9 or any other enneagram type together is not so much recommended - there's just little room for growth and balance, which any healthy couple needs. It may correlate with some types more than others, but it's not exclusive to any type. I think it's an odd pairing because how can the type 6 who wants support feel safe with the erratic self asorbed (ennegrams words not mine 4s) type 4. Type Four. Yun2ka. Personally, I also have 9 in my tritype, which is 469. The thought catalog link also talks about tritype. Adventurous_Head_384. When Fours abide in their true nature, they are one with the ceaseless creativity and transformation that are a part of the dynamics of Essence. However, they may have an idealistic view of their romantic partner and their life together. 8's will equally be frustrated by 9's unwillingness to mix things up or push into certain activities. All of these are from observation and understanding of the theory. Positive: themes of 7 bringing joy to the 1's dim and bitter existence, 1 bringing stability and order to 7's chaotic mess of a life. 8w9’s would look a lot different than an 8w7 (the highest energy type in the enneagram), so keep that in mind. mistyped as an so7 mostly because i was turned off by the negativity towards type 4. 3 male - 2w3 or 6w7 female. So I’ve seen plenty of posts discussing the interaction between parenthood and childhood through the lens of the Enneagram, but have yet to see sibling dynamics discussed in depth. Or check it out in the app stores TOPICS Enneagram 4 and 9 relationship 4s ability to read feelings and relationships is a gift to our partners and 8s benefit from this. Thanks! We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. great sex and amasing emotional closeness. com. However, analyzing all the fundamental aspects of their relationship will give us an insight into how they bond. 8s understand and respect passion. They will thank you for it. I think that's because he's a 9 and we're both introverts. In this sense the uniqueness of the 4 remains. According to that one (of the very few such studies that have ever been conducted), oft linked research , there was a noticeably high frequency of 9 male/4 female couples; so yes. Iv found that a in a relationship between a 4 and a 2, 4s have a strong distaste for the 2s need to people please and self-sacrifice for other Enneagram Type 4:9 When In Balance. Or in general how different types can sabotage and improve each other. Since both are 'gut' types they enjoy similar kind of simple lifestyle and go with instinct in decision making. 5s are the opposite — often either not knowing our feelings (until we’ve thought them through later) and/or are unwilling to allow feelings to move us in I’m a 4, and as far as the video I watched on this, it completely rings true. Debating between types 4 and 5 seems like something that pops up around here a lot. They talk about some of their conflicts and how the enneagram impacted their marriage in this interview. a chapter on Insights and Suggestions to Consciously Impact Intimacy, etc. I have all 9. What are some good things that continue… I've been in multiple long term relationships and the only healthy one has been the one I'm in now. The 9, on the other hand, would have to be committed to expressing and asserting Take a look at the competency triad (1,3,5) and reactive triad (4,6,8). Our relationship has a lot of bright spots, but I'm mostly wondering for any advice you have on: The upside for the Four is that the Six is practical, loyal, attentive, and playful, and will not only see the Four but the Four as (s)he actually is. In my experience what worked was setting up time with a 5 to discuss an issue. There is a third option here that you may not be seeing: asserting your discomfort/problem with the toxic person (s) while trying to maintain a relationship with them. Sorry. But you can be a 2 and be very emotional. Etc. I think the 9 self-image resembles that of 2 and sometimes of 4 (I've also noticed that well-educated 9's misidentify as 5's. Personality & Compatibility. I feel like he gets the best out in me: to take action and believe in myself. I'm obviously not a 4, but I do have a 4 fix, so maybe still helpful in some way. But the behaviors and ways of thinking/communicating definitely seem aligned. Disorganized attachment style strongly linked to parentification in an early childhood (in age six, controlling-disorganized (helpless (caregiving), hostile (punitive) strategy (Enneagram 1 The Enneagram is a model of the human psyche that is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types. For the relationship to work, the 4 would have to be very committed to asking the 9 about his/herself, or else the 9 may continue to build internal resentment for the 4 (which could end in an explosion of “9 anger,” possibly causing the 4 to retreat in shame). Romantic and creative, the Enneagram Four, “The Individualist,” is a passionate and adoring partner, constantly seeking to express their love and make their partner feel special. Well, except if that 8 is an So/Sx 8 wit ha 6, then it can be possible. I think it’s dangerous to look for an ideal type. Members Online my life in a nutshell as a social 9 There are 9 criteria, for which you need 5 of, to be diagnosed with BPD. In lower functioning relationships It sounds like he might be mentally checking out. And the 8 will understand that much of 4s emotions are not so much just being emotional but passionate. I’m a 5w4 and don’t have much experience in the relationship area but don’t give up on him! If you have a feeling he likes you back he probably does, but if he’s like me he’s terrible at expressing that. Type 1 (one) is a typical (hostile-disorganized) case, and 9 maybe a helpless-disorganized. My best friend also happens to be a type 4w3 (f20) and there is of course of similarities between them both. Humans are complicated creatures. Type 4's and the Fear of Conflict. This combo can combust or deepen. They crave it. 46s are the overly anxious responsible types that make everyone else feel anxious. You can’t fix anyone and shouldn’t have to. 56 votes, 26 comments. The 9 encourages the 8 to take a step back and think a bit more before jumping to action, or jumping to judgement. I haven't been in a romantic relationship with a 6 as a 9, but my father is a 6w7 and two of my best friends are 6w5. I'd love to get some more insights from people here (especially 1's and 4's) on how these types' dynamic tends to play out in friendships and even relationships. The three types in first ring and in second ring are all double-integration types of each other and mutually 'supervise' reach other forming very asymmetric relationships. Enneagram and sibling dynamics. Also 4 goes towards traits of 2 when they’re unhealthy, which means they’re more likely to be clingy and manipulative. Everything hurts. #1. Updated MBTI to enneagram correlation. It can be a good balance but have tendencies to bump heads. I'm a 4 who is friends with some healthy 2s and family with some unhealthy 2s. I just get quite frustrated when people ask about Enneatype gender, as I see systems like the enneagram as liberating us from the need to assign certain qualities and characteristics (more or less Reactivity exposes relationships when they're most vulnerable. ISTJ, INTJ (ESTJ, ENTJ) Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. This is true both for Enneagram 4 and 9 friendships and romantic relationships. The Individualist (4) and Peacemaker (9) can be an accepting, soothing healing match who find a deep enjoyment from shared time together. So. The Six gets the Four in touch with Some studies actually promote a 4-9 pairing. I really feel as part of the universe and that I am basically my own rescuer. 122K subscribers in the Enneagram community. But usually 8s are overbearing for the 4s (and immoral). Combination of these is the 9w1 or 1w9 in the Enneagram system. Anyone in a long term relationship should get one final 'this has to change or I am gone' talk. I feel like I can rely on them and they have my back. i will preface this to say i am female which i believe affects most of my answers and how you relate to them. With them around I've learned to look ahead and plan for anything that may go wrong so things will go as planned. . The four helps the 9 confront the emotional baggage that they've avoided for so long. A lot of 9 therapists make this mistake, too) but the 9 personality is best understood as a tension point between 6 and 3 (neither of which are particularly generous, empathic, or powerless in the same way that 2's, 4's The enneagram tends to be a sucker punch when you find your type because it really presents an unvarnished view of who you are and why. Some argue this is the most volatile combo but if both are in health it’s a beautiful steady but passionate tango, full of exciting ventures. Enneagram & Love. The difference between the 4 wing and the 6 wing in Fives is like the difference between Art and Science. They share stories of their childhood traumas, their private dreams and disappointments. Its seemingly a horrible place for a 6 to find stability and support in someone who is to preoccupied with their own probably made up problems. You can be a 9 and be highly creative. 11. Being a 9 can be hard on the emotions sometimes. -1. There are also several YouTube videos about the topic if you search enneagram 2 relationship with 4. The upside for the Six is that the Four is freethinking, sensual, open-minded, and emotionally aware, and will help the Six learn who (s)he actually is. Am a 9 and my lots of friends are 4 I really want to know about the romantic relationship chemistry between 4 and 9 Anyone interested to tell the… I'm currently interested in a 4-9 sp/so [AFAB-->NB]. omg i’m a 4w5 infj dating 1w9 intp lol. Use you're numbers as ground work, but don't forget that the enneagram isn't an exact science, you are still just two people, trying to make it work, don't get too bogged down in the numbers! :) 13. For me as a 3w4, I do like my job. Nothing will aggravate them more or leave you more frustrated and miserable. This is assuming you properly understand 9 and 4 and aren't going off stereotypes. Tell your partner when you’re not happy. According to enneagram studies, 4’s and 9’s are one of the most common pairings but it’s only common if it’s a female 4 and male 9, apparently the other way around is very rare. I can definitely relate to this as a 9. 3 women are aggressive and being with a non-aggressive male will make them seem like the man in the relationship. I felt it was the most in-depth of explaining the numbers We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Whereas I'm a more idealistic 9er, their fix is more like the grounded realist type of 9, despite the sensitive and artistic side they have. All 4s really need is for someone to give then space when needed, suspend judgment when you don’t understand, and let them know you believe in them. A place where Type 4's from the Enneagram Personality test can… I think the big difference between the types is that 4's want to stand out while 9's want to blend in. I am a 9-4 so/sx [AMAB-->M]. ENNEAGRAM 4 AND 8 RELATIONSHIPS. Again, as a 9 the tendency is to let relationships stagnate rather than end them forthright. I’m new to the enneagram so looking for more insight. The 9 actually communicates with the 4 instead of tuning them out and the 4 does not place unrealistic expectations on the 9. View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit 9 and 4 relationship comments sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A Add a Comment I’ll try to keep it brief and helpful (4’s can ramble). I tend to be sensitive and kind of picky about things (where to eat, what movie we see, etc) and he is pretty laid back when it comes to these kind of choices, so it usually works out well. 6. All the 4s I met needed a shit load of validation Double Four pairs generally make good friends and deep friendship is something they often bring to their intimate relationships. Maybe you can say I understand, not getting enough sleep is annoying or make a joke and then move on (instead of offering a cup or coffee or melatonin, etc), You do not need to mirror your partner or solve the issue. Mistyped 4's and 9's also look at their relationship to conflict, how often we engage in it, our comfortability level, and how we engage - or disengage - in it. 4s want to be noticed, while 5s generally don't want to be perceived at all. "Fives, on the other hand, can become frustrated by the on again, off again attentions of the Nine and begin to become cynical and pessimistic about the relationship, analyzing the Nine and intellectually dissecting the relationship both as a defense from being hurt and as a way to express Mistakes made in 5 and 9 relationships. A 9's greatest success would be leading by example and getting shit done (like a 3) but without people recognizing you did anything. Text is cold, impersonal and emotionally empty. We've been together 8 years (not married) and we are like best friends/soulmates. He talks about their relationship pretty frequently on the podcast and in his books. If a 4 is healthy, they're supposed to be principled like 1s. . Reply. Disclaimer: I haven't been in a full-fledged relationship with a 9 and only had a few 9 Basically, yes it is possible to have a fulfilling relationship between a 4 and 5, but every relationship is different. Both are constantly in pursuit of the ideal and can understand this about the other. Fire element - assertive triad - 3, 7, 8 - assertive, outgoing, spontaneous, charismatic. 9s can be needy and distrustful in relationships. Kalinali. In fact he really struggles with being 9s are often the best choice for romantic partner for us 4s. A place where Type 4's from the Enneagram Personality test can… 4w5 here my SO is a 9 and things are wonderful. Express yourself! Be up front with your partner. 3 female - 7w8 or 8 male. 12K subscribers in the EnneagramType4 community. They see the glass as half-empty and have a more skeptical outlook and a hesitant approach to life. Hugs to you. Some context: my wife is an 8w9, so takes on traits of 9. Dope. In my experience, being raised by a Type 9w1 (my mother), Type 9s of either gender need to be aware of their tendencies to submerge their own needs and desires as a way of avoiding conflict. Share. We typically cool off pretty quickly. Nines must learn Friendship dynamics between 1 and 4. One thing he said in the video is that 4’s have trouble in relationships because we’re addicted to struggle. Negative: themes of 7 unleashing chaos and impulsivity in 1s carefully controlled life. Earth element - gut triad - 8, 9, 1 - practical, physical, detail oriented, grounded. Discussion. Of course, only he would really know. 4s are emotionally reactive/volatile. Since we’re both withdrawn and both comfortable suffering in silence, it’s been difficult for us to be fully open and comfortable with each other. I am. However, the peace-loving Nine may sometimes forget that conflict is an important part of a relationship. The 8 encourages the 9 to be more aware of what they want and not take shit from people unnecessarily. 3. 1 imposing sacrifice and discipline on 7's free and painless existence. Just because a 9 apologizes RIGHT after an argument, doesn't mean that he or she isn't sincere. The relationship you described between yourself as a 9 with 1s actually sounds more like my relationship with other 1s I meet. Woah wow, this is the nirvana I have reached. The 8s encourages the 9 to take action, get in touch with their assertive side, put themselves first a bit more. So I took it upon myself to make a post about it, as I’m curious to see what you all think about it. Or check it out in the app stores TOPICS Enneagram 4 and 9 relationship 4w5 with 9w1 relationship advice? I’m a 4w5 (f) in a new relationship with a 9w1 (m). 4-r9 sp/so and i9-4 so/sx is my preferred notation for this distinction, but it's probably kinda confusing. The Enneagram is a model of the human psyche that is principally Ian Cron (4) hosts the typology podcast and is married to a 9. 9s are more focused on avoiding conflict & not disturbing the peace, 4s are more focused on being unique & special to gain love and be truly seen by others. Type 4 Okay, I think I like these descriptions even better lol (copy and pasted) 5w4 - Seeking Knowledge and Identity. Or check it out in the app stores TOPICS Enneagram 4 and 9 relationship Im a 9w1, husband likely 3w4, been together for 20 years. friendship, deep connection, and 4s offer depth and 8s offer protection and generosity and bluntness that we need. Starts out really strong and then I feel criticized and start to resent them, so I totally get what you mean. Another possibility is you have 9 in your tritype. All my previous relationships have been with extroverts which really drained me. And over text they're on their field. figure out what you mean by "romantic" - break it down for yourself to understand what would count as romance for you. i'm just curious tho about any other 4 and 9 relationships. Others have already made good suggestions—I agree that you seem like a 5—but checking out the misidentifications section of Enneagram Institute, or the appendix of Beatrice Chestnut's The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge will probably help you to come to that conclusion on your own. Would be interested to hear from other 9s or 4s in long term relationships and the issues/benefits that you all think come out of this dynamic. Most Type 4s and Type 9s overlap heavily in their emotional style. But I would also like to add this is probably a problem beyond enneagram, and it sounds like your boyfriend is immature and selfish. The 4's envy, if unchecked, could drive the 1 mad, and the 1's "realism" annoy the 4. Most types have difficulty adopting their shadow since they start from the other end, but the 4 starts from the shadow outward. The 9 gives unconditional acceptance and provides a judgment-free zone for the four. If a 1 is healthy, they try new things like healthy 7s. You’re doing the right thing. 8. 8s go to 2 when they’re healthy, which means they’re more likely to be caring and supportive. I have been in this state for the past few years. My relationships are up and down and tumultuous. Highly recommend checking out the Enneagram Institute’s website. The Enneagram is a model of the human psyche that is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types. gm el wb lj mg tl dp cc en mb